In His Presence!

This pic popped up on my Facebook memories today, and just like that so many memories flooded back with it.  Seven years ago today, I was on my way back to Africa to pack up my dreams so that I could begin the biggest battle of my life,  the fight against breast cancer.  I see the outward appearance of a smile, but  I promise you as I boarded that airplane with my fabulous seat mate and friend by my side, that what I felt inside was a completely different story.  My heart was filled with a great deal of turmoil; sorrow, confusion and pain.  But oh, how grateful I was to not have to carry my burdens alone.   Even in the midst of my personal pain and trials God was at work and His presence is the only explanation I can find for a smile at such a time as this.  It’s a smile of hope that we are ALL invited to own.  God is with us, never leaving nor forsaking us, revealing His glory through us in both the mountain tops and valleys. In his presence is fullness of joy!

A broken vessel

Dreams shattered

Where are you, Oh LORD?

 

A heart bleeding

Soul torn apart

Where are you, Oh LORD?

 

Trials exploding

Tears flowing

Where are you, Oh LORD?

 

Your Maker is here

Giving you rest

Putting the pieces back together

Storing every tear

Whispering words of truth

 

Strength arises

Vessel restored

Tears of joy

Dreams  abound

My Maker is Here,

In His presence is fullness of joy!

 

 

Tanzania Summer 2019

My trip to Tanzania this summer, was nothing short of A M A Z I N G!!!!   I want to shout out a huge Thank you, Thank you, Thank you to all who supported me through your donations, purchase of t-shirts, prayers and words of encouragement !!  It ALL mattered and I am deeply grateful for you sending me!  I made new friends and reconnected with old, and was completely astounded and inspired by the work that has taken place over the years by TNM.  Seven years makes a huge difference y’all and the  impact that clean drinking water  has made to the many villages I visited was striking as the evidence surrounded me day after day.

I’m still in awe of all that I experienced during my two weeks there and would love to share a few of the highlights and my take aways from them.

Sophia

I have a beautiful new friend and her name is Sophia. She is a young Tanzanian woman who has a heart for helping others like no other than I have  ever seen or known.  She is Patrick’s wife (Thirst No More’s head driller in Tanzania).  She loves the LORD, enjoys singing & cooking,  and manages a small farm of sunflowers, which she just harvested to make sun flower oil.  The LORD gave us rich time together and I learned so much about her life and her heart for loving and helping those in need.  I have been deeply inspired by Sophia and having her  permission, I would like to share some of her story with you as it will surely inspire you too.

The LORD has entrusted 5 beautiful children to Sophia, all under the age of 8. Two are from her womb (Stephen and Stewart) who are the definition of spunky, cute and loving,  and three were orphaned.  Of those three, one was abused by his supposed care takers and left to die in a shed, being starved to death and physically tormented by a machete to his skull (his scar remains today as a reminder of what he was saved from). Sophia had compassion for this little boy and brought him under her care to give him a safe and loving home.  His name is Bright which is undoubtedly a prophetic name as his little life shines forth brightly with a story of redemption.

Then there is Patrick and Patson, twin baby boys whose mother died at child birth.  The mother’s family rejected these babies as twins are considered omens in their culture.  This coupled with the belief that the twins actually “murdered” their mother due to the amount of blood lost during child birth left the babies in a desperate plight.  The twins were very premature (around 1-2 lbs each) and  were left in the hospital with no medical care at all (not even oxygen, nada, nil, nothing)! I just can’t fathom this. But, the medical care systems in Africa, in general, are much different than in the first world.

From the beginning, Sophia learned of the twins plight and took them in. She described them as alien looking and that people were afraid of them.  Their little heads were bigger than their bodies with their eyes and ears still closed, only fitting in the palm of her hand.  EVERYONE thought she was out of her mind for taking them in and assured  her they would never survive. She described how scared she was and the feeling of being so alone in the situation as she had no idea how to care for such underdeveloped little lives. Her fears were compounded by the rejection of medical help, being turned away by an orphanage and even the support of her local church. Even though the world seemed against her as she continued to hear voices surrounding her echoing that Patrick and Patson would never survive, God saw her heart and showed her how to care for them.

Being initially fed formula by an eye dropper, then eventually nourished by breast milk of Sophia’s sister, Patrick and Patson are nothing short of a miracle,  Miraculously, Sophia’s milk returned after she had previously stopped breast feeding her youngest child giving her the ability to nourish these beautiful babies herself. She explained how she would hold these babies by their feet when they would intermittently stop breathing to promote circulation, and God would cause them to breathe again.  There is no doubt that God has amazing plans for these precious lives! Just having celebrated their one year birthday, Patrick and Patson are healthy and thriving today.  Just Amazing!

When you remember Sophia, let her story help you to push through the difficult times of life, especially those times that seem impossible.  Her impossibility became God’s possibility.  She was overcome by the LORD’s power who gave her the tools to beat the odds and thus began to spring forth life in others …..specifically through 3 abandoned viable creations.   She was scared and lonely, but God never left her side one single time guiding and equipping her every step of the way as He continues to do now.  I believe this is one of the mysterious ways that God works; when a believer suffers pain, difficulties, and challenges they are equipped to endure it so that their challenge is a spring board to bring glory to God and life giving oxygen to others.  Just as Jesus suffered for us, so that we may live,  Sophia took on a difficult task, so that these baby boys could be saved and that others could witness a miracle.  And that is exactly what He did here, God brought himself glory through the difficulties that Sophia endured to help Bright, Patrick and Patson so that they could experience life!

Pray for Sophia’s strength, stamina, and that she will continue to grow in God’s word as He guides and directs her through her adventure of motherhood to Stephen, Bright, Stuart, Patrick and Patson,

Steven and Bright

Stuart

Jen and Patrick

Sophia and Patson

 

My take away from this:  Sophia inspires me to do hard things!  I am challenged to say “Yes” to God, even when my limited mind can’t make sense of it and I hear the world saying, “No”.

I  look forward to continue growing in my relationship with Sophia , praying for her, and encouraging her as she mothers all her children.  For now, we will continue our relationship through the technology of Viber.  God willing, I will see her again, face to face next summer.

SIFA Threads

I had the chance to spend  quality time with one of my fellow missionary friends who lives in Dar es Salaam. Her name is Beth.  Our daughters were good friends and Beth’s family and ours did a lot of life together when I lived there.  During our visit, I learned more about a ministry she began in Dar es Salaam since I left.  The ministry is called SIFA Threads and is a structured program that teaches women the skill of sewing, jewelry making, leather crafting  and the art of batik.  Additionally, these women  are  empowered with needed tools to learn how to use their new skill sets in business.  But more importantly, the students  are introduced to Christ and discipled throughout the program.  What impacted me the most, is that Beth reminded me that SIFA threads was born out of a seed of prayer that we shared together in a Bible study that I hosted and led in my home when we lived in Dar.  What began as a seed prayer,  I was able to witness 7 years later as a beautiful harvest of new believers who are creating and sewing beautiful items and living productive lives.   You can learn more about this wonderful ministry here.

 

My take away from this…  God uses women to encourage each other in community through fellowship, Bible study and prayer.  The LORD has been prompting me for a while to start up a women’s Bible Study again, this time in my home, here in Leander, TX.  Beth’s story has catapulted me into taking the next steps to bring this prompting to life and I will be hosting a Bible study this fall .  I can’t wait to see what God born visions, dreams and seeds will sprout forth from it.

Thirst No More

The most exciting portion of this trip for me was to see the fruit from all the wells that have been drilled since TNM  began operations in Tanzania in 2011, which to date is 127 wells. The positive impact that has been made through the provision of water was visibly astounding. The evidence was everywhere!

Although, I was only able to visit around 10 of  these wells, I remained astonished by the LIFE they have brought.   Charlie and Patrick drove us across the country ,up and down endless bumpy, pot filled dirt roads, which are referred to lovingly as an African massage. You get the picture.  The intense massages were worth it as their outcomes led to  multiple church plants in the bush. These churches were established and have grown because the LORD chose a water well being drilled in their village to impact the lives of many for His glory.

The water is not only quenching thirst and bringing good health, but it is also yielding beautiful gardens that boast tomatoes, squash, eggplants. sunflowers, and greens. These gardens provide nourishment for the village and with it’s overabundance acts as  supplemental income to the local missionary pastors.

I’m so incredibly proud of Charlie’s tenacity to see that the work continued after our departure from Tanzania. It hasn’t always been easy, but he continues to persevere, and just like Sophia, God continues to equip him with the resources and tools required to press on even when things seem impossible.  I’m equally as proud of Patrick, TNM’s head driller in Tanzania. He is an incredibly trustworthy young man, self starter and not to mention a hard worker who puts in long hours and spends weeks away from home to lead the drilling team .  Charlie and Patrick make a wonderful team with their gifts and talents! And, I just know TNM’s late president, Craig Miller, would be so incredibly proud of how the vision that God gave both him and Charlie has carried on and grown.  I hope he is seeing it all from the best seat in the house, in his heavenly home.  You can learn more about Thirst No More’s work here.

TNM’s Tanzania Drill Team

My take away from this:  When I had to move from Tanzania due to my cancer diagnosis,  my heart was broken.  I wanted to be there….living, breathing, and taking part of the daily ins/outs and  operations of  TNM  directly on the field.  It fed my soul with excitement and purpose to be part of such an exciting ministry first hand, but in a flash, the day -to- day life of that vision was gone.  However, on this trip, God showed me that He does not need me to be there.  Duh…. I can be such a slow learner at times.  God’s plan goes on with or without me , and what I witnessed with my own eyes  was a beautiful harvest of life that has sprouted forth since my family’s departure 7 years ago.  I’ve come to realize that it is time to embrace my assignment with TNM, which is to be His hands and feet on the ground here in Texas , working in the background to support Charlie and TNM’s team as we continue to understand God’s vision for His work in Africa through water.  As I write this, it sounds so simple, but apparently  I needed a fresh set of eyes to understand my role as supporter and advocate for Thirst No More.  I’m so thankful to have experienced it all first hand again so I can share it with you.

Thank you again for supporting me through this trip!! I appreciate you all so much!!!  And in case you are wondering, Yes, I’m already itching to return.  God willing, I will next summer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

She’s Ready to Soar!

Abby Joy

Goodness…I didn’t realize how long it has been…. my baby girl (she’s really 18, but she’ll always be my baby girl) recently said she missed my blog posts.  She just took flight to college last week, so I thought what better time to write.  What better time to pay tribute to my baby girl. What better time to reflect on the process of releasing her so that she can fly.  What better time to express my love for her. Abby Joy this is for you!

It’s been a week since I helped make your bed, hung your corner shelves with a gazillion commando strips and made last minute Target runs for storage units and highlighters. It’s been a week since I left little love notes hidden throughout your belongings in your dorm for you to find a long the way.  It’s been a week since I buried my face in my pillow, wondering how this day to set you free came so quickly.

I keep comforting myself, knowing that you are ready and that your life experiences have prepared you for such a time as this.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that these are not mere words or thoughts, but that it is truth!  You are ready. You have literally been around the world and back. Your understanding of various backgrounds and cultures cause you to think deeply and understand many. Your experiences have taught you to draw from God’s strength.  He has proved to you over and over again that HE will never leave you nor forsake you.   Your love and strength is found in Christ and it runs furiously though your veins and is displayed through all you do.  It radiates through your smile, your actions, and your commitment to all you touch. You are strong and courageous. You are smart. You are joyful and bubbly. You are crazy fun. You are in love with our Savior!

Since I held you as a tiny baby in my arms,  I have prayed that you would love the LORD your GOD with all your mind, all your heart and all your strength!!  I am forever thankful that God has heard my prayer for you and answered.  You will continue to have many successes throughout your college years and beyond… but KNOW that you have accomplished the GREATEST success off all.  YOU LOVE JESUS with all your soul!  Now it’s time for  your to spread His wings of LOVE and FLY! You are ready to soar to new heights and God is ready to take you there.

I love you always baby girl!  Mom

Never say, “Never”

I am a COLLEGE STUDENT!

Yes, you read that correctly. I am a college student.

In just a few short days, I’ll be hitting the books to pursue an associate’s degree in occupational therapy.

SAY WHAT?!?!?!

I know, right!!

Here’s the deal…….

Don’t ever say Never!!

I did.

I said I would never return to school after graduating with my bachelors in 1990.

But here I am, 25 years later….. eating my words!

What changed?

Me, that’s what changed.

Cancer changed me.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, in December of 2012, I was tempted to crawl into my bed and hide under the covers and wish the nightmare away…….

When I was able to overcome that very real temptation, I REALIZED…..

God brought me home for reasons other than fighting cancer.

One of which was to better myself.

He established new goals in my heart.

Purposes.

Challenges.

Aspirations.

Dreams to look forward to.

Studies to make use of my time while the battle was raging.

God had more.

I wanted more.

His purposes were greater than fighting cancer.

His purposes would drive me to overcome.

Years ago, a desire was planted in my heart to acquire a skill set in the health industry that could be useful stateside as well as overseas.

Between chemo treatments, surgery and radiation, I have been studying the human body, gaining understanding about the mind, learning medical terminology and have even been enlightened about the world around me through the study of art history. WHEW…It’s been quite a journey these last two years while getting my brain to participate in classroom learning again. It’s been fun, challenging and a time of preparation.

This summer, that time of preparation has led to an open door, as my inbox revealed an invitation to join the Occupational Therapy Assistant Program at ACC in Austin, TX.

I have made the decision to walk through that door  (A decision that did not come lightly knowing the demands that lay ahead).

I’m Excited!

My dreams are becoming a reality.

I am changed.

I am a work in progress.

God is NOT done with me yet!

So, here’s to never saying never.  I’m hitting the books full time, for the next two years, beginning August 24.

I can’t wait to  learn how I can help bring quality of life to those in need.

I am a COLLEGE STUDENT!

Unchanging Grace

Sometimes this girl just needs to write a poem…. I share my heart with you today.  May you know that you are loved deeply and immensely by our Savior.

Unchanging Grace

At times it’s hard to turn the pages of His great book,

My eyes are drawn astray and it is the world by which I look.

 

My struggle is real.  I wrestle every day.

His love for me is solid, unchanging,and beautiful in every way.

 

On those days when He seems so far far away,

He will find a way to remind me that He has not strayed.

 

When darkness veils His lovely face,

I will choose to rest on His unchanging GRACE.

 

Oh how thankful for this GRACE,  I am.

It’s in Him that I will ALWAYS be found.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Cor. 12: 9

Live!

Hi Friends,

Thank you so much for your prayers, notes of encouragement, emails, and texts in regards to my health as well as meals, gifts, etc…I am feeling incredibly encouraged as God has been gracious to hear our pleas. I’m happy to tell you that I am feeling much better.

With the help of my oncologist, we have found a balanced dose of the oral chemo drugs that are giving me a good quality of life while staving off the cancer.  I have felt better these last two weeks than I have all year.  Feeling incredibly thankful.

Friends, do not take your health for granted.  Enjoy each day as it comes….. And Live!

Love you all sooo much!

Jennifer

Update

Hi Friends,

I’m still in the fight.  Some days I feel like I’m on top of the world knocking this thing out of the park. Other days I trudge along, feeling weary, wondering how i will be able to endure another round.

Presently, I am taking a daily oral chemo drug, which is making positive progress towards killing off the disease. However, the medication is leaving its mark with un-welcomed side effects.

I would welcome your prayers as my doctor and I try to find a balanced dosage of these oral meds that will accomplish the goal of killing off the disease without compromising my overall health.

Thanks for your prayers, care and encouragement.  It truly makes a difference and gives me courage to get back in the ring round after round.

Thankful for this awesome cheerleader…. I love this girl of mine!

How Are You Feeling?

Often times I am asked, “How are you feeling?”.    Although I easily tire (most definitely a cumulative effect from the chemotherapy treatments I receive every three weeks), I feel good.

But what is the measurement one uses to define how they are feeling?  Everyone’s personal circumstances are so incredibly different.  Perhaps my good is your terrible or vice versa.

When I consider the grand scale of our world and the many hurting, sick, and heartbroken people that populate it. I would say that I feel good.

However, the measurement by which we determine how one feels remains complex, so I have decided to use a different unit  and hopefully a more descriptive adjective in describing how I feel.

My measurement comes in the form 0f what surrounds me daily.  The result is thankfulness.  That’s it friends!  I feel thankful.

I am thankful that I was able to wake up this morning to see these two beautiful faces.

I am thankful I could soak in the beauty of our Texas landscape and wildlife as Charlie and I opted for church on a Texas highway with the beautiful hill country as our view.

Y’all, I’m thankful for my eyes. For my sight.  Wow, what a gift.

I am thankful that I have ears to hear, so that I could hear my daughter say, “I love you”, before she left for a mission trip to Memphis this morning.  I’m thankful that I have a voice so that I could echo her sentiment.

I’m thankful for my legs that marched me into a wonderful ofd fashioned diner where I savored a delicious breakfast…..taste buds friend….you got it….thankful for them too. Grateful for the piece of to-go pie too.

I am thankful for my hands that allows me to hug my family and friends and to pick up the phone to call or text those that I can’t hug. I’m  thankful for my fingers that embraced the fork that allowed me to dive into that beloved lemony cream pie and dig in the dirt for a bit today.

I’m thankful for my country and those who serve (definitely a little biased towards this young soldier).

I”m thankful for a lot of random things…… fresh flowers, concerts, cinnamon, walks with the dog, music, books, berries, mason jars filled with water, lemon and mint.

I’m thankful for my Creator.

I’m thankful for life y’all.

So you ask how I’m feeling?  I won’t continue to bore you with the abundance of gratitude that fills my heart. But there’s one more thing I must mention.

I’m thankful for you.

I’m thankful that you are a part of my life….whether near or far. Whether we talk everyday or never have.  Our lives have connected in some form.

Thankful!

Be Still

I laid there shivering, in that dreaded radiology room again, waiting for the dye to be injected intravenously.  The dye that would light up any abnormal cells making an unwelcome appearance in the organs of my body.   With my nerves on overdrive, my mind was reeling for a verse to calm me. Then it came.  Just as the CT scan was about to begin, I heard the LORD say, “Be still and Know that I am God”.  As I began to breathe that verse over and over, my body stilled and a wave of peace flooded me.

Last week, I received unexpected news. News that prompted the afore mentioned CT scan.  News that my cancer had returned.  This was not exactly how I had planned to start my new year.  But God’s plans are better.  God’s plans are bigger.  God’s plans are perfect.   I must fight this thing. Actually, my God must fight this thing for me.

“The LORD will fight for you, you need only to be still” Ex 14:14

I begin chemotherapy on Jan 26.

A Defining Moment

Pink shirts. Pink fingernail polish. Pink hair. Pink jewelry.  Pink pots and pans and every other pink fashion and home accessory you could think of. Pink. Pink. Pink. You name it…you can find it.  All things pink!!  All things pink to bring us breast cancer awareness.  Or as I have interpreted it….all things pink to remind us of the ravenous monster that creeps up on  its unsuspecting victims, tormenting the lives of the sick and survivor alike.

I have never cared to embrace the pink parade.  I have watched with respect, many in my life, embrace the banter. I have even received many pink gifts for which I am truly grateful because I know the heart of the giver. But for many reasons, I have resisted entrance into this pink monstrous existence.

Recently I heard a message that I’m pretty sure was spoken directly to me.  Isn’t that the strangest feeling?  Sitting in a room with hundreds or in this case thousands, realizing that the words uttered from the speaker are for you. Seemingly only you.  Then you realize the speaker doesn’t know you, but then the revelation comes…..GOD DOES.  Such beauty here friends.  We worship a wonderful and personal God. A God that chooses to love and speak to us in individual ways that are cut just for us in the midst of a sea of others who He is intimately speaking directly and simultaneously to.  Only God.

God used this particular woman to show me that my identity has always been and will continue to be in Christ and Christ alone, not in the events He has allowed to enter into my life.  In the past few years , I have had BIG events happen….I mean really BIG events.  Many have been positive but then many have felt like HUGE TREMENDOUS BLOWS THAT WOULDN’T STOP.  I’m currently reading Unbroken.  The story centers around Louie, an American POW held slave in Japan’s POW camps during WWII.  He was beaten day after day…blow after blow by various Japanese military monsters… all the while wondering if it would ever stop.  At some time or another we all face such seasons….wondering if the torment will ever stop.   These types of seasons can bring vast implications… both positive and negative.   Whatever our season has been….. sickness, broken marriage, straying children, job loss, failing finances, death, disappointment, depression, imprisonment….one thing always remains sure.  GOD.  His promise to never leave us nor forsake us is true. He is there, even when it feels like He is not. He is there.

I have discovered it is what I choose to do with life’s blows that becomes the ALL important question.  I have a choice….I can ether become enslaved to them allowing them to rule my life with bitterness and oppression making me believe I am not worth it.   Or I can let the past come out of me.

I can let go.

I can vomit it up.

I can be free!

And that is exactly what God spoke over my life on that glorious day of November 8, 2014.

He told me that it was time to let go of my past so that I can step into my future.

So I have made the choice.

I have let go.

I have let go of being forced out of Sudan and the implications that remained on our teammates, family and ministry due to our harsh exodus from the desert.

I have let go of having to move on from Zimbabwe against our will.

I have let go of the fact that health reasons caused us to exit Tanzania and come back to the states.

I have released guilt that has loomed over the fact that my children have had to move from schools, homes, cities, and friends too numerous to count in their short life times.

That Big Pink Monster has represented so much more in my life than cancer.

You see, cancer was the culmination of all things hard that had come my way since being on the mission field.

Pink became a symbol of all those difficult events.

I’m relieved to finally let go of the Big Pink Bully that has ruled my life over the last few years.

I am stepping into my future.

I have let go.

I AM FREE!!

Its a curious thing…now that I have let go of my disdain for anything pink…I find that I can look at my experiences through a different set of lenses. I can now embrace those things that were holding me back. I recently walked in the Komen Race for the Cure.  That walk was huge for me.  It was symbolic of so much more than cancer.  It was symbolic of accepting all the unexpected turns and twists in the road of life.

When I first arrived I wept.

My past was still coming out of me.

There were thousands in that grand sea of pink.  Thousands who hold their own personal stories of victories and heartache.  I still don’t understand the turns, twists, and heartache that life has brought me.   But I do understand that I am no longer sad about all that has been lost.  So much has changed.  But my God remains the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.  Life has left its imprint, but it is God alone who defines me.

So here I am.

Stepping into my future.

Excited to see how God uses my past.

Excited about what is ahead.

Here I am God.

Use me.

Even when the sky turns pink God,

Use me.

Love this fellow warrior who battles with grace as her own story unfolds.

These two amazing friends have faithfully been by my side through all the twists and turns.

As I step into my future, LORD willing, I plan to have reconstructive surgery at the end of this month. Thanks for your continued prayers, encouragement and support.

 

Disclaimer….In speaking from the heart …  my intent is to not be critical towards those who embrace Komen, Pink, or Breast Cancer Awareness.   I deeply respect and admire  all of my fellow warriors who have and are currently fighting breast cancer.  I deeply respect each way we choose to fight the battle and the various tools we choose to embrace to help us move forward each day. Thanks for giving me a safe place to share.  Thanks for allowing me to continue to cope in my individual and unique way.